BUSY

Since no one is updating, i'll spam.

Just came back from a prayer meeting. Made a fool of myself cause i cried while we were praying for each other. Not the first but not where i wanted it to happen. I guess this is the way God works.

Not knowing about you guys, I noticed that i drifted away quite a bit since JS n MYPC soon after. Despite the repeated times God used people and situations to warn me about who's Boss, i sort of totally forgot about him. Even though i prayed, i served, i led, i talked about Him, i was just being too damn busy to even remember my time with him (i.e.: QT and devotion). I started feeling wierd on why i'm just so damn worn out particularly after serving... Not to say i wasn't working in the Spirit, it was just that i wasn't relying completely on big F.

My pastor (Rev. Yew to you guys) mentioned the phrase Being Under Satan's Yoke (BUSY). I pondered and pondered and more and more i realized that being too busy is precisely Satan's stronghold, even in church as we do not have time for sprititually charging disipline essentials, namely both the abovementioned QT and devotion/scriptural meditation. Example (hopefully Austin doesn't see this... :-p), the assignment to us guys to complete the whole NT (anyone not done yet, like me...?).

Another thing i've noticed is how the relationship between small f influenes the big F. My spiritual life (when active) is on different planes differing when the earthly relationship (which as you all should know by now, is 'good') differs. Not only different levels, but different approaches and even different impacts are observed. And in fact, the way i act (in terms of mood, especially) to others and in work also differs. As such, it's a daily struggle for me to maintain consistency or to sustain improvement in any form, either physical, mental or spiritual.

And this brings me to the biggest problem of them all to me. The torment of temptation and the feeling of worthlessness plus the haunts of the past many times weigh me down and hinders me. It's not that i like the sins i usually commit, i loathe it as it is uncontrollable and very impulsive in nature, other than the fact that it's wrong and it displeases God. As work start bearing down my back, it gets worse and worse and i confess, i'm addicted to some old habits. Plus, the temptation to enter 'life in the fast lane" lurks now everywhere around me. And this is what i want to close in request.

Guys, (if you read this even) please continue to uphold each other in prayer, in love and encouragment. Keep in touch as hard as you can, and keep tabs on each other. Most importantly, make sure you keep yourself in getting too busy as being too busy will mean B.U.S.Y. As we keep our eyes focussed on Him, we can be rest assurred that He has plans to prosper and not to harm, and also He makes life easier so long as we trust completely on Him. Also, if you have a problem, particularly an achillies' heel like mine, which causes you to keep falling into sin or to dabble in wrong things, get help, or it'll become like my case, a consuming thing that mutates you, quite literally, into a monster. Do pray for me, even more so as i'm serving more and more in youth and church. Especially for spiritual protection. Thank you all for reading this.